It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
