This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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