We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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