Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
