you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I didn't notice because vodka
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
