drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
