Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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