you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
