He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
