I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So much rum. So many feels.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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