The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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