More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
