a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
