There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I didn't notice because vodka
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
