im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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