it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
