Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
