He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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