trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
