I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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