Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
