4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
