he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
