The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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