dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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