I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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