Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
