He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
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