there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
