i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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