Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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