i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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