I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
