so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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