I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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