Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
