why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
