You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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