if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
