I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
