Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
