So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
