someone threw a dead crab at me
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
