You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
