I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
