How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
