I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
