My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
