Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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