last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
