just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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