i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
