I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
