It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
