The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
